The Five Stages of an Accidental Career

STAGE ONE: DENIAL

     It's only a job. It's just for right now. I mean, it pays the bills, right, and it's not gonna be what I do forever, so I'll just stick with it until I figure out what it is I really want to do. Which is play the bass.  I mean, how hard can it be to learn to play an instrument that has four strings? You only need like half the fingers it takes to play guitar and you still look just as cool doing it, which is exactly what it is that the chicks dig.

STAGE TWO: ANGER

     You have got to be fucking kidding me. Have I really been working here for five years already? Do they seriously expect me to still work on weekends and all minor holidays? Come on, am I not better than this? I have friends, I have a life, I have... aspirations. This bullshit is really starting to cut in to my creative time. Maybe I'll just pick up the drums, because right now I really need to beat the shit out of something.

STAGE THREE: BARGAINING

     You know what? It's cool. Maybe I can cut my hours down a little, grow a sweet beard, still get at least some benefits, then I can focus on what's really important to me. Sure, things' ll be a little tight but come on, it's only money, right? I mean life is about so much more, you know? Like finding The Balance. So, okay, fine. I'm willing to compromise. I'm willing to sacrifice. Maybe I'll take up the banjo because does anyone even need to take lessons to play one of those things? For real, what's the commitment here.

STAGE FOUR: DEPRESSION

i hurt myself today, to see if i still feel. i focus on the pain; the only thing that's real. Well, another thing that's real is tapping a metal triangle on a string with a stick. It wold be even better if i could keep time. Jesus, i can't even spell 'would'. i sukc. Aw, DAMMIT!

STAGE FIVE: ACCEPTANCE

     You know, maybe this isn't so bad after all. It's a steady income, at least. I've got medical insurance. I've got a vision plan. I've got cable. Maybe it's all gonna work out. I mean, ain't none of us getting any younger, right? The sun sets, options narrow, and I have some pretty serious things to think about these days. Like my mortgage. And my kids' college funds. Retirement. Besides, I can always pick up the harmonica in my spare time, I guess. It's pretty much just whistling through a diaphragm anyway, right?